im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
