I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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