i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
