I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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