He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
