so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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