i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if only i could text you this smell
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize