YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
