threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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