question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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