i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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