gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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