I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize