take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
