The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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