I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize