I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
