is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
3 2 1 whiskey
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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