I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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