I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
