Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
