You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
