The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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