Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My vagina just recognized that song.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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