i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just found puke in my bra..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
