On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
