OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
