You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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