No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
