I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hippo gnu deer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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