I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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