I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
NoShamevember. You game?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
