Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
