never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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