I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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