Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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