good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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