If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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