So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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