i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They took my balls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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