Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
