Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
