I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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