porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
