When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize