Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
