and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
