O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
