i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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