Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize