I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
