I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
