I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
