Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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