is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
