I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
