My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
