Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
