Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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