We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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