i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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