You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
