whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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