remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
