I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
