If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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