also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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