the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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