Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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