Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
