I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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