I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
