She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
