He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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