The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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