Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
