just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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