dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
