Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
