I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
