I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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