That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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