Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My cat gives me a boner
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
