I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
