I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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