Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
