pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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