Cold hands, warm shart.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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