wrigley field is MILF paradise
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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